Steven’s September Viewings

With the new month of October already here,I decided to take a chapter out from Tom Simmons’ and William Wilson’s Video Junkie Blogspot blog and do my own version of their Listomania,for here are some of the films that I watched(in no particular order) throughout Septemer(via HBO,Cinemax,Hulu,DVD,and Blu Ray)….

* UNSTOPPABLE: Tony Scott’s film about an uncontrollable train on the loose carrying a lethal toxin is an actual boring fare that’s only brightly lightened by the presence of 90s DTV action star Jeff Wincott,here in full redneck gear as a train expert who easily outshine both Denzel Washington and Chris Pine in his small supporting role,making you wish that he had a large role in a mainstream film(after making cameos in S.W.A.T. and THE INVASION).

* MY SOUL TO TAKE: Hard to believe that Wes Craven once considered doing this majorly wretched story as his first novel,for it’s an extremely terrible film full of unlikable characters,wooden actors(and actresses),a ghostly Rob Zombie looking killer(oh,how original !),lots of annoying DEGRASSI-esque teen draam in the first half and a karo gore syrup-filled dull finale. It’s more like YOUR MONEY TO TAKE and YOUR TIME TO WASTE seeing what is possibly Craven’s worst film ever(which made that SCREAM 4 deal look that more appealing).

* HATCHET II: Adam Green’s film that’s better than the crappy first film and the super dull FROZEN,for as much gore and hilarious over-the-top gore killings it throws at us(which only happen in the last 30 minutes),the majorly of the film is mainly talking and walking through the woods till “The New Icon Of Horror” strikes,for it’s major mediocre at best(as well as had a shorter theatrical life than the recent CREATURE).

* UNHOLY(2007): Director Daryl Goldberg and writer Sam Freeman’s film has an interesting premise,as Adrienne Barbeau and her son investigate her daughter’s suicide,leading to sinister characters and time travel,but it unfortunately falls apart near the finale. Nice try,though.

* HEREAFTER: Clint Eastwood’s entry into the word of the supernatural is just boring,boring,boring….and uninteresting,to boot. Heck,I even enjoyed MARMADUKE over this celluloid snoozefest.

* THE WARRIORS:ULTIMATE DIRECTOR’S CUT: Water Hill really pulls a George Lucas on this cult classic’s fans by altering it with updated scenes consisting of comic book-esque panels,CGI tampering(with more gangs added in Cyrus’ gang meet),and different music used to replace copyrighted tunes,for this had me madder than Lucas recent alterng of THE STAR WARS SAGA.

* THE LOVELY BONES: Peter Jackson’s tale of a murdered teen girl’s slow descent into heaven is beautifully filmed but it unfortunately suffers from a very so-so story with a very ludicrous comeupaance for its slim villain(nicely played by Stanley Tucci).

* SPLICE: Director Vincenzo Natali(CUBE)and co-executive producer Guillermo del Toror should both be ashamed of collaborating with this trainwreck of an awful SPECIES rip-off that really sucks ! See all four SPECIES films instead.

* ROAD TO PERDITION: Sam Mendes’ gangster tale/graphic novel adaptation is an okay film,but is so slow and dull(despite the presences of Tom Hanks,Daniel Craig,and Paul Newman[in one of his last roles]).

* MACGRUBER: Hilarious as hell and heavily violent is this SOUTH PARK-inspired action spoof(that deserved a lot better than flopping in theaters).

* MOON: Duncan Jones(David Bowie’s son)debut film is reminscent of pre-STAR WARS 70s doom-and-gloom sci-fi,but it reminded me more of the Melissa George vehicle TRIANGLE(which is a horrible film)in its plot twists.

* TORQUE: even if it has Matt Schulz in another villain role and Ice Cube as yet another tough guy,this film was pretty fun(in spite of its CGI overuse),and the catfight-on-motorcycles between Monet Mazur and Jaime Pressly was pretty hilarious to watch.

* ASYLUM: David Ellis’ Straight-To-DVD horror film with DISTURBIA’s Sarah Roemer is pretty dull and uninspired.

* BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN: I’ll plead the fifth on this Fred Olen Ray T&A close-to-porn film(which is what both he and Jim Wynorski seem to specialize in nowadays[and David DeCoteau specializing in gay twink horror]).

* THE BOX: Richard Kelly(DONNIE DARKO,SOUTHLAND TALES)’s adaptation of Richard Matheson’s TWILIGHT ZONE story takes a drastic turn in invovling invading aliens and government conspiracies that kept me highly interested.

* RITUAL: Avi Nesher(SHE,TIMEBOMB,DOPPLEGANGER)’s third TALES FROM THE CRYPT film(that got dumped)is a pretty decent horror fare that’s a loose redo of I WALKED WITH A ZOMBIE but barely resembles that film,with a quick cameo by a dreadlocks sporting Cryptkeeper(who farts and wisecracks around a group of babes).

* SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD: I actually dug this film,with director Edgar Wright making it an enjoyable romp via many creative gags,and even making both Michael Cena and Mary Elizabeth Winfield actually likeable(for a change).

* DRIVE ANGRY: Nicolas Cage plus Patrick Lussier and Todd Farmer equals one wild and crazy grindhouse-esque movie that is acually fun to watch(and goes over-the-top when it wants to).

That’s it for now(movie review-wise)….

Wow. Hulk Hogan Made His Retirement Speech On TNA Impact Wrestling. Yeah,Right—-Until He Returns At WrestleMania 2012 For His Big Payday(And Clashes With The Likes Of CM Punk,John Cena,And The Rock[Just To Satisfy His Hulk-Sized Immensive Ego)…

Steven M.

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About stevenmillan

I'm just a simple genre cinema fan(NOT a fanboy and NOT a geek)who widely glimpses onto the latest in cinema news,cinema events,and world news of the day events,and just to warn you(especially if you're one of those politically correct elitists,or strongly despise folks that never brownnose the genre cinema media press):I do sharply bite.
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