It has now been officially declared that the (post-COVID-19 pandemic era if the) 2020s has brought in a New Era Of Horror as many theatrically released horror films have made more money than the past films of 30 to 40 years ago.
Therefore,here is a guide(that is inspired by Technical Work Rate Productions’ co-host NC[of his 10 To 15 Ways In Becoming A Modern Wrestler list) upon how to successfully become a modern horror cinema fan(with Number 1.[and reasons given why] down below)……
2. Dress like an alt.rock/nu metal 13 year old teenager,perform cosplaying a lot(if you’re a gal and/or are at a modern horror convention),and/or grow a long beard and/or shave your head.
3. You must say the likes of “I never heard of this film”,”Underrated”,”I never heard of this celebrity”,and “Any good ?” an awful lot until it hurts. And always refer to an actress as an “actor”.
4. You must consider SLEEPAWAY CAMP,FRIDAY THE 13TH.(2009),DAWN OF THE DEAD(2004[which launched the careers of both Zach Snyder and James Gunn]),and Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN II(2009),and to be all-time classics.
5. You must like and be a fan of GAME OF THRONES(one of the most super overrated and downright terrible cable television shows).
6. Fall down to the ground and avidly worship the likes of Quentin Tarantino,Ari Aster,Eli Roth,S. Craig Zahler,Rob Zombie,Mike Flanagan,Edgar Wright,Adam Green,Joe Lynch,Adam Wingard,Ti West,Brandon Cronenberg,James Gunn,Zack Snyder,Kathleen Kennedy,J.J. Abrams,the French chick who made RAW and TITANE,and The Soska Sisters in being self appointed movie Gods(who you must consider to be are all bigger than the entire world).
7. Talk and write like an eleven-year-old with ADD,ala all of the modern film journalists,all of the magazine/website editors,and all of the modern film podcasters.
8. Whine and hysterically cry about the Oscars hating horror cinema(even if THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS swept all of the top Oscars[including Best Pictures] in 1992).
9. Consider A24 to be “The Greatest Genre Film Company Eeeevvvvaaaarrrrr !!!!”(even though the Real greatest genre film companies to ever exist are American International Pictures,Cannon Films,Dimension Pictures,PM Entertainment,Empire Pictures,Hammer Films,Universal Pictures,Amicus Productions,Paramount Pictures,New World Pictures,Toho Studios,Toei Studios,and Full Moon Pictures/Features).
10. Appease Harry Knowles(the Dave Meltzer of both mainstream movies and genre movies).
And Number 1: Openly declare that “2022 Is The Best Year For Horror Cinema Evvvvaaaaarrrrr !!!!” . BTW:the reason why Number 1 is down here is because my PC kept goofing up and kept frequently freezing on me.
There !!!! See ‘ya all on the next blog(which should come out a lot more quicker)…
Heck,I’ll even return with a sequel to this list once I remember some more stuff to place on here(such as modern Day Fangoria magazine,Rue Morgue magazine,All long running modern horror magazines,and Blumhouse Productions[the latter who make a lot of money]).
I’ve Been Very Busy For The Last Two Months,Which Is Why My Blog Was On Hold,For Read Upward When My Next Blog Entry Will Be Coming…
And P.S.: Fuck You,Dan Schneider(And All Of Your Nickelodeon Minions[Such As Brian Peck And Josh What’s-His-Face]) And P. Diddy(Alias Sean “Puffy” Combs/Puff Daddy) !!!!
- Steven M.
Steven Millan,Genre Addict 